I Choose to Live by Letshego Zulu

Author:Letshego Zulu
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781928420682
Publisher: Jacana Media

CHAPTER 15

LESSON 7: Be present

“NOW, the most precious thing.” – Anonymous

Being present means we have a full sensory experience.

We really see the things around us, hear the sounds, smell the freshly cut grass, taste the flavours, feel the touch of a loved one as we embrace, the brush of the breeze on our arm. We are connected to how our body feels in the moment. We are acutely aware of our actions – “I just crossed my arms. Now I’ve moved my foot” means that we are not operating on autopilot. We are not focused on matters of the past, or predictions for the future. We are here, supremely in the present, tuning into all the possibilities life has to offer. Of course, most of the time we don’t live our daily lives in such detail, but being present is something that heightens our life experience. Life is little more than a string of present moments, and we cannot live it to the full if we are not there for it.

Many of us underestimate the power of being present. Gugs and I managed to live moment by moment with each other. We always prioritised what we wanted to do together. As a result, after he passed I was able to move forward with few, if any, regrets. We had optimised our time together, a full 15-and-a-half years, and as a result, I have not been left with the sense that we could have got much more out of the time we had together. I believe that 15-and-half-years is the time God gifted him to me. This has brought me a peace not afforded to most. The old saying, “When it’s your time, it’s your time”, rings true for me. It was Gugs’s time.

When I look back at our last few days together, I can now say with confidence that I have no regrets about how our relationship came to an end. We were present with each other right up until he passed. Even though we were separated for a day on the mountain when he walked with the other group, I now see and understand the reason it had to happen that way. My personal belief is that I was not meant to see him suffer on his last day. He apparently vomited profusely and experienced recurrent diarrhoea throughout the hike from Horombo to Kibo. When I was told, I regretted not being there for him. I still feel a little sad for not being by his side when he was suffering, but I realise now that I was not meant to witness him falling ill. That was his way of exiting this world and God did not want me to interfere with the process or be affected by witnessing his deterioration. As human beings, we sometimes think we have full control over how life will pan out, that we are able to prevent someone from dying. Had I been there to witness him fall ill, I would have suggested that we descend the mountain.

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